Ghosting isn’t just something that happens in dating apps or casual relationships anymore. People are starting to experience a much more serious form of vanishing: when a spouse simply disappears. No calls. No texts. No communication. Just gone.
If you’re in this situation, it can feel like you’re stuck in emotional limbo, unable to move forward and uncertain about your rights. Divorce is hard enough when both parties are present. But when your spouse disappears without a trace, the situation becomes much more complicated and, often, deeply painful.
This blog will guide you through what it truly means when your spouse disappears, your legal options, how abandonment is defined in Washington and Oregon, and how to begin moving forward again, even if they never return.
When Your Spouse Vanishes: Understanding the Situation
Let’s first call it what it is: abandonment. When your spouse walks out and doesn’t return or cuts off all communication without warning, it leaves you in a deeply vulnerable position. However, while the emotional toll is real, there’s also a practical side to this: disappearance doesn’t mean the marriage is over. You are still legally married until you obtain a divorce.
Before you assume your spouse has ghosted you in the legal sense, consider:
- Have they truly disappeared, or are they avoiding communication?
- Have you tried all reasonable methods to contact them?
- Are there mutual friends, family, or coworkers who might know where they are?
These questions matter, as the answers will influence how your divorce proceeds.
What Is Legal Abandonment?
Washington State
Washington does not have a specific statutory definition of “marital abandonment” as grounds for divorce, as it is a no-fault divorce state. However, abandonment can become relevant in child custody and financial disputes. For example, if a parent has voluntarily left the family home without justification for an extended period, it may be considered “abandonment” in the court’s analysis of the child’s best interests and stability when determining custody.
Oregon
Similarly, Oregon is a no-fault divorce state, but under ORS 107.036, the state recognizes “desertion” in legal separations, which can also influence issues like custody and support. Desertion, or abandonment, typically refers to one spouse leaving the marital relationship without the other’s consent and without justification, intending not to return.
In both states, abandonment may affect:
- Child custody determinations, if the absence demonstrates a lack of ongoing involvement or concern for the child’s welfare.
- Spousal support considerations, especially if abandonment created financial hardship.
- Division of debts and property, particularly if the absent spouse has accrued debts or failed to contribute to joint financial obligations.
Can You Still Get a Divorce if You Can’t Find Them?
Yes. You can still file for divorce if your spouse is missing, but it requires additional steps.
Typically, you must serve your spouse with divorce papers to give them the opportunity to respond. If you cannot locate them, you may request service by publication, but you must first show the court you have made diligent efforts to find your spouse.
The process generally involves:
- Filing the divorce petition.
- Attempting service at the last known address.
- Conducting a diligent search (checking social media, reaching out to family and friends, searching DMV or employment records).
- Filing an affidavit of diligent search with the court.
- Requesting permission for service by publication in a local newspaper or public forum.
Once the publication runs for the required period, the court can proceed with your divorce, even if your spouse never responds.
Impact on Child Custody and Support
If your spouse abandons the family, the court will consider their absence when determining parenting plans. Courts in Washington and Oregon prioritize the best interests of the child, which include stability, ongoing parental involvement, and the ability to meet the child’s needs.
A spouse who disappears may:
- Have limited or supervised visitation upon reappearing if their absence raised concerns about parental fitness.
- Be ordered to pay child support, even if they are not present, and may accumulate arrears enforceable by the state.
Impact on Finances and Property Division
Even if your spouse is absent:
- You may still be held responsible for joint debts unless steps are taken to protect yourself legally.
- Your spouse is entitled to a fair division of marital property, but their absence may simplify negotiations if they do not respond.
- A court may consider their abandonment as a factor when dividing debts if they left financial burdens solely on you.
Taking early legal action protects your financial interests while ensuring you are positioned to move forward.
Steps to Take When Your Spouse Is Missing
- Gather Information – Collect addresses, phone numbers, employment details, and social media accounts.
- Attempt Direct Contact – A message or letter may prompt a response.
- Reach Out to Mutual Contacts – Friends, coworkers, and family may have information.
- Document Your Search – Keep a detailed record of your efforts to locate your spouse.
- Protect Your Finances – Notify banks and consider freezing joint accounts.
- Consult a Divorce Attorney – An attorney can guide you through the publication process and protect your interests.
How a Divorce Attorney Can Help You Move Forward
A missing spouse does not mean you must remain stuck indefinitely. A skilled divorce attorney will help you:
- File correctly and conduct a legally sound search.
- Petition for service by publication.
- Protect your rights in custody and financial matters.
- Provide clarity and structure during a deeply uncertain time.
If your spouse has disappeared, you are not without options. Consult with a divorce attorney to begin the next steps. Reach out to us at (888) 337-0258 or fill out our online form to get started.